September 17, 2007

When twins go to school, parents wrestle with whether to split them

By VIVI HOANG
Staff Writer

Ask 9-year-old twins Mariah and Hannah Weithman of Thompson's Station whether they'd prefer to be in the same class or different ones, and they'll have a ready answer.

"I like to be separated because sometimes we get in fights, and I wouldn't want to do that in school," says Mariah, the older of the two. "You sometimes get your work done better without having someone there talking to you all the time."

"It's cool because we have different classmates, and we always went home and told our mom different things about school," Hannah says.

Jenn Weithman, 40, purposefully split up her daughters starting in pre-K to avoid a triple trauma the next year: going to kindergarten, being on the bus and being separated. The girls quickly got used to their time apart. Weithman plans on doing the same with her 5-year-old twin boys.

Parents of multiples face the question of whether they should keep the children in the same class or separate them as their kids near school age. Splitting them up helps them gain independence and individuality, say parents and educators. Then again, some multiples fare better when kept together.

In many cases, schools weigh parents' thoughts and decide on a case-by-case basis. "I like to get parental input as far as how the children relate to each other in a class setting," said Risé Pope, principal of Bordeaux Elementary Enhanced Option, which counts several sets of twins among its school population, including at least one pair in the same class.

Multiples multiply

More multiples are being born now than ever before. That's largely because of more older women having children — they're more likely to conceive multiples — and the growing use of fertility drugs and infertility treatments, which often result in multiple births. The number of twin births jumped 66 percent between 1980 and 2003, according to federal statistics, which means the issue of classroom placement crops up much more frequently.

Susan and Mark Vanston of Brentwood chose to break up their triplets. They didn't want Aidan, Dylan and Faith compared to each other. Plus, Faith tends to be more dominant and outgoing.

The transition was relatively painless.

"When they'd see each other on the playground, they'd run and give each other hugs, they were so happy to see each other — then get in line and stay with their class," 38-year-old Susan Vanston said.

The triplets, 5, are much more amicable around each other, she said. They like to discuss their different experiences at school and trade notes on classwork, lunches and new friends.

One downside to splitting their kids up: the logistics of keeping abreast of three classrooms' worth of projects, assignments, field trips, forms and parties. And there are three times as many students, parents' and teachers' names to learn. "You can only get so involved in each class," Susan Vanston said. "So it's more difficult to totally feel you know what's going on."

Coin has two sides

Last year, Sunset Elementary School in Brentwood had 11 sets of twins and one set of triplets in its kindergarten, said kindergarten teacher Amy Young. Many times these families moved to the Midstate from other parts of the country, so their parents request their kids be kept together. "When it's kindergarten . . . they want their children, their multiples, together just to have that familiar face," said Young, 34, herself mother to 2-year-old twin boys.

Educators say parting twins helps the children develop at their own pace and on their own terms. They can make their own friends and don't have to feel like they're competing with each other.

On the other hand, sometimes siblings of different academic abilities can help and motivate each other to do better, an argument for keeping them together.

In many cases, Sunset divides twins into separate, but adjoined classrooms so they still have a chance to see each other more than they would otherwise.

"You can't just say, 'Across the board, all multiples need to be separated.' In some instances, they work better as a team in the classroom together," Young said. "The parents need to be involved in it a lot because they know their children better than the teacher does."

Cases differ

Nancy Segal, director of the Twin Studies Center at California State University at Fullerton, said kids who are best friends at school tend to be more exploratory and outgoing, but rules aren't imposed on those sorts of pairings.

So if a pair of twins in the same classroom is functioning fine, she sees no reason for change. "Look at the big picture," Segal said. "Are they doing well in school? Do they have friends? Are they happy? If all those things are in place, why would you want it any other way?"

Identical twins in particular tend to cling closely to each other, she said. They may suffer emotional trauma from being separated. One possible compromise is simply seating them at different tables so they can be near each other but still make their own friends.

Janis Turner of Nashville weighed the pros and cons of separating her twin daughters in school and ultimately decided to keep them together starting in preschool. "To me, it seemed to come down to what was right for your family," 45-year-old Turner said.

Oliva and Katelyn, now kindergartners at Glendale Elementary School, get along well but also act independently of each other. Keeping them together would ease the transition to grade school, Turner said. Nor did she want them to start comparing whose class did what and when. It also means she only has to keep track of one teacher.

"They can help each other out and help each other remember," Turner said. "One isn't the leader of the other one. They do their own thing; I knew I didn't have to worry about that."

She'll make a decision about next year further down the road.